Labor Pains: Because Being in a Union can be Painful

A Look to the Future…

Referring to Congress and President Obama, Keith Kelleher, President of the Service Employees International Union Healthcare of Illinois and Indiana, recently said, “Number one on their list should be to make it easier for workers like the ones I knew in Detroit to form a union and finally join the middle class. To do that, Congress needs to pass the Employee Free Choice Act.”

Union officials like Kelleher keep pushing the falsehood that the Employee Free Choice just makes organizing “easier” and that’s it. Not only are union bosses dishonest, but they’re also unimaginative. Today, we’re crossing lines and helping the enemy. We have a few ideas to make the future of organizing even “easier.”

So here we go. A look to the future…future…future…

2009 – Employee Free Choice Act

Unions effectively end democratic secret ballot elections in favor of card check.

Organizing unions becomes a lot “easier.”

2010 – The Friendship and Reform Interstate Employee National Dream Act (FRIEND Act)

Similar to H.R. 6477 introduced in 2008, the FRIEND Act promises to end all Right to Work Laws nationwide. Unions are so good to workers that often members have difficulty paying union dues in Right to Work states where they aren’t forced to do so. With those high union wages going to mortgages and brand new cars, it’s hard to pay union fees. We understand. The FRIEND Act will only help employees exercise their freedom to pay union dues.

Unionization becomes easier still.

2011 – Heroes and Organizers Safety and Health Act (HOSHA)

It’s 2011, and for some reason, workers are still reluctant to join unions?! For union voices to be really heard, the Department of Labor’s Office of the Inspector General and the Office of Labor-Management Standards will be permanently closed and its former employees will be….….eh…..relocated. With HOSHA, union leaders will finally be protected from occupational hazards such as being found guilty of labor racketeering, coercion, and using violence.

Think how much more time employees will have free from reporting tire slashing, back alley beatings, and missing union funds.

It’s just that the paper work is so long. And because of employer coercion –you see –the unions just don’t have an option but to pass this law.

Louisville Slugger says that they’re backed up with thousands of new orders for 2011. Their CEO recently said, “Obviously this bill is a home run for us.” Isn’t it nice for a company to share its windfall profit by lobbying for workers’ rights like that?

Everything will be so easy after HOSHA.

2012 – Employee Smiles Sunshine Rainbows Unicorns Happiness New Born Babies Love Friendship Act (that’s ESSRUHNBLFA for short)

Guantanamo Bay prison will actually be reopened. But this time around, there won’t be any terrorists there. CEOs refusing to admit a union will be flown down for an extended reeducation “vacation” until they agree to a union. No votes, no card check, just fun in the Cuban sun.

Wow. Wouldn’t that make unionizing so much easier! Don’t be shy union leaders. First the ballots, then the world. Go all out.

Categories: Center for Union FactsEFACEnding Secret BallotsSEIU